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Each state and each agency will have its own requirements. There will also be specific requirements, depending on whether you are doing a domestic or an international adoption, an agency adoption or a foster care adoption, etc.

A "typical" homestudy goes something like this, although there is considerable variation:

1. Intake. Fill out a questionnaire and talk to someone at the agency. The agency doesn't want to waste its time and your money by starting a homestudy on someone who cannot possibly be approved, such as someone who has a serious psychiatric or medical illness or someone who has been convicted of a crime against children.

2. Document review. The social worker assigned to you will want to review documents that prove you are who you say you are, and verify the things you said on intake. As an example, you will need to provide your birth certificate, marriage certificate, and copies of any divorce decrees, and you will need to get a letter from your employer verifying employment and salary. In addition, the social worker will ask you to obtain a police clearance, and will get you to sign an authorization for him/her to obtain a child abuse clearance from your state.

3. References. You will usually be asked to obtain written references from approximately three people who are not related to you. Some agencies require a face-to-face reference, as well. (The agency I used had this requirement).

4. Autobiography. You and your spouse may each be asked to write an autobiography, following an outline that is provided to you. Designed to guide the social worker's counseling sessions, it will ask you such things as how your parents taught you values and how they disciplined you.

5. Classes. A few states and some agencies require families to take preadoption classes. These classes cover such topics as the challenges of transracial adoption, the medical risks in adoption, discussing adoption with your child, thinking about birthparents, choosing an agency, etc.

6. Counseling sessions. You will generally meet with the social worker approximately three times in his/her office. A common arrangement is that the social worker meets once with the wife, once with the husband, and once with both spouses together. The social worker will be trying to determine whether you are "on the same page" about adopting, and whether you are in agreement about things like whether you will teach a child a particular religion and what sort of discipline you will use. He/she will raise issues that could come up in your particular situation -- for example, dealing with a bigoted family member or finding affordable child care or celebrating your child's birth heritage. This is a good time for you to ask questions -- whether about toddler behavior or about resources in your community if your child comes home with any attachment issues.

7. Home visit. The social worker will generally visit your home at least once. This is always the event that scares the bejabbers out of prospective parents, but it is really one of the easiest parts of the homestudy. The social worker is looking for a safe and welcoming environment; basically, if you would feel comfortable inviting your boss or your inlaws to dinner, you should do fine. He/she does NOT care if your furniture doesn't match or if you have dust bunnies under your bed or messy closets. He/she WILL care if you have hazards such as an unfenced pool, no smoke detectors, a refrigerator on the lawn (waiting to trap a curious child), or loaded firearms. In most (but not all) states, you do not need to have the child's room set up or the childproofing completed. You can always ask about this before the home visit; it is NOT a pop quiz designed to trap you.

8. Homestudy report. The social worker will write up his/her findings, conclusions, and recommendations in a format acceptable to your state, as well as to the the USCIS and the foreign country from which you are adopting, if you are adopting internationally. Some agencies allow you to proofread the report before it is sent out; some do not.

YOU WILL ALMOST CERTAINLY DO FINE if you remember these three things:

1. Very few people get rejected, once they successfully go through intake. Rejection WILL occur if you are not truthful and it is found out, so -- when in doubt -- disclose. In some cases, you could be asked to withdraw your application and resubmit it when certain changes are made. As an example, if you have just begun divorce proceedings, you may be asked to resubmit your application after your divorce is final and you have taken some time to grieve and adjust to life as a single.

2. The homestudy is not mainly about approving you to parent. It really is intended to PREPARE you for the challenges of parenting an adopted child. It is a wonderful educational opportunity. Take advantage of it by thinking hard about things like your autobiography and by asking lots of questions about parenting.

3. Keep your sense of humor. Things often go wrong, just as the social worker's car pulls into your driveway for the home visit, or while he/she is in the house. Maybe you burn the cookies you were making to show how domestic you are; instead of having a nice homey smell, the house stinks. Maybe the sink backs up, flooding the kitchen floor. Maybe the dog marches into the living room carrying a pair of your sexiest underpants, which he has filched from the hamper, or -- worse yet -- throws up on the rug. If you have other children, maybe the toddler decides to take off all his clothes and is running around naked.

Social workers know that Moms and Dads have to be prepared for the unpredictability of kids. If you can deal with any embarrassing situation calmly and with good humor, they will figure you are well on your way to being a good parent.


Sharon