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Peeking in from another board - and wanted to say that we had the EXACT same situation in 2001. Our bio son was 5/6 during our first adoption process (going to Ukraine)...in the end the process won and we had to step back and stop what we were doing. We were planning to adopt one little girl around age 2 at the time. We just told R the facts - no emotional issues - just facts. Why we were stopping (problems with the government) and what would happen next (we would just go on as a family of 3). I remember he had a few questions...which we answered - and although we were torn up by the whole thing...we tried to keep our hurt emotions away from him. We are also VERY honest with him - but children feel our emotions more than our words...I didn't want to saddle him with the "ghost" of a sister he hadn't even known - kwim?
So, didn't even think about adoption until April 2005 - through a phone call with my aunt - who has an only son that is grown. I decided we should start again..mentioned it to DH and DS (who was now 8/9) and both were on board. Seven months later we completed the adoption of a 7 year old boy and a 6 year old girl in Russia.
It was so different than what I had seen for us in 2001...but it is exactly the right time and children for our family. I could not be happier in hindsight with everything that happened...I know that easy to say from our side...but it's true.
My advice would be to be honest with the facts - and then move on and live life with your son. If/when the time is right - you'll know and maybe you'll go a whole different way or not...but whatever you do then will be right for your family!
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