[Abdulina]

Marina,

You will NEVER be able to know 100% what your child will or will not have. We have 5 children currently. Working on #6. Of the 6 (yes, including the one not home yet), 5 are from Russia. Of those 5, 4 are FAS. Different regions. People don't quite understand FAS the way I do unless they have to live w/ it 24/7. It is not easy at first. You make alot of mistakes. But with time, you know what works and what doesn't. I can give you PLENTY of personal experience and info on FAS. I've also dealt w/ RAD. But, alot can be turned around. No, it will never go away, but you can parent these children and have a great life. We took all 5 to the zoo today. They were better behaved than alot of the whiny, out of control "normal" kids we saw! There is quite a stigma associated w/ FAS. ALOT of myths floating around out there. Beware. Did I know all mine would be FAS....no. Would I change it....no. Forest Gump still says it best...."Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know whatcha gonna get." True of adoption and life. There are absolutely NO guarantees in life or w/ kids. You can try and read and prepare, but once again, there is never a guarantee w/ adoption. And btw, the medical records over there are not what I'd call the best of record keeping. Some things will be left out, some added in. Recently, we found out our 13yo daughter had apparently broken her nose at the orphanage. We adopted her at 6.5yo and there was nothing on her records about it. And yes, you can have an IA doc TRY to figure out FAS. HOwever, unless the birthmother drank between days 21 and 24, the facial features will NOT be present. So please don't base FAS all on these features. Also, I'm obviously a member of some yahoo fas groups. Quite a few of us have children from Russia. And many of those did indeed have an IA doc look over the medicals first. I'm not saying don't use an IA doc--please no one write me--I'm just saying even the best of the best can't guarantee what a child may or may not have. If you ahve any personal questions, pm mail. It is scary. But jump in and you'll have a ball. --It can't be that scary, b/c I'm doing this for the 6th time now!!!!

I wish you all the best. Just to let you know, we consider our experience positive. though others may not due to our kids' issues. They go to school, they play baseball, go to youth group and do other "normal" activities. Two of my FASers are highly gifted. Another myth I hear of FASers is that they are mentally retarded--NO. Only 15% of them are. All I can say is go for it. It is not as scary as it sounds. But please don't read into things too much or you'll overanalyze everything on the planet and look for any little detail in the child that just isn't there.

Enjoy your adoption journey. This board is a wonderful resource.

Take care,