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Hi there,
I don't know if there is a legal way to do that and not give up your rights too....but, there is a book you can read and a man you can talk to.
I know a guy called David Strah (he is the one that told me about the lawyer that we eventually used to adopt our son...his kids are Summer and Zev....). He wrote a book called "Gay Dad's, A celebration of fatherhood". He also has a site (google the name of the book...I didn't know if I was allowed to post it here). Anyway, it lists a bunch of different parenting situations involving gay dads. If I remember correctly, there were a few stories about co-parenting (where one of the men adopts the child....like a husband would...w/out the mom giving up rights...). It can give you some direction. This is a good book b/c it paints a very real picture. Everything isn't always sunshine and puppies (what is though?). It might be nice to talk to others who have gone down this road.
It seems that this could be a difficult thing to manage b/c both people will be parents and unless you are absolutely on the same page, it can be very, very hard. If the only tie you have the family that you are trying to "co parent" with is the child....it might be harder then you think. You may be better off finding good mentors and adults that you can use for advice and support (a church group? community group?), but still be the only decision maker. The general opinion in the book was that while they were all happy to have their families and children, it was MUCH harder then they thought. Open adoption would not legally give you any rights beyond what the afamily will allow (but there are many, many good stories about that too...not all a parents will leave you in the dust), and it sounds like you don't think you can do this alone.
You are in the right place b/c these ladies can help you understand that you CAN do this alone if you chose to. You may decide that doing it alone is easier and more effective then involving someone else in the process that has a legal say in what happens. If you decide to place, then you will be able to do that too. The point is, you are the decision maker here and your life will change no matter what. Do your research, talk to as many people as you can. Get the good and bad of all sides and make an informed decision.
Good luck to you in this process and congratulations. Isn't it amazing how quickly you can be in "mommy" mode of thinking? It never goes away. Good Luck.
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