I'm having a tough time right now and hoping that there are some birthmoms that can offer advice, --though it doesn't have to be from just birthmoms as I welcome any advice.
Here's a brief rundown of our story:
We've had T since he was between 3-4 weeks old, bparents signed guardianship over to us after being investigated for neglect, then eventually realized they couldn't parent him and signed adoption papers. They were both homeless, jobless, no parenting skills, possibly abusive, etc. We knew them just from around town and were happy to adopt T and even happier that they wanted to be a part of his life through visits, pictures, get togethers etc. We actually had daily contact with bmom until December when she found her bmom online and literally that week went to the southern part of the state and moved in with her. (She and her siblings were taken away from bparents because of severe physical and sexual abuse 18 or so years ago when T's bmom was only 3) Anyway, she moves in with her bmom and we haven't heard from her since :-( We did get a call from bgrandma on Christmas and I've sent pictures and letters to T's bmom without a response. I sent a birthday gift for her and some pictures but again, no response. DH and I find it odd since she had literally called us several times a day until she went to live with her bmom and now nothing. T's been very sick and we've requested medical info but nothing. Then all of a sudden we hear from bgrandma who says that she wants to be involved in T's life but that bmom can't have anything to do with us or T because it's too hard for her. I completely understand her feelings but I wonder if the grandmother is influencing any of this--like trying to "erase" bmom's past since it didn't invlove her (and ironically we get along very well with bmom's adoptive mom) I just find it hard to believe that bmom wanted, and begged us to keep her updated when she placed T with us but now that she's with her bmom she all of a sudden can't be bothered. Of course I want to do what's best for her but i so desperately wanted her to be a part of T's life and enjoy watching him grow and I really think she wanted that too. I don't want to invade her space but I feel I owe it to my son to do my very best to keep the ties to his birthfamily. I guess I'm wondering if any other birthmoms went through a complete change of heart after relinquishing, especially if there was contact at first. A friend went to see bmom and said there are no pictures or reminders of T anywhere to be seen in her room :-( Birthmothers Day is tomorrow and I've been planning for months (literally) a special gift for her, as well as for T's upcoming first birthday but now I'm sad because I don't want her to feel forgotten on those special days yet I don't want to invade her space if she truly is the one who doesn't want contact any longer. I'm so torn.
What should I do? As a birthmom what could I do (if anything) that would give you comfort?
I appreciate any and all responses. My personal email is
AveryKlan@charter.net if you'd rather post privately.
Thank you all,
Denise