[Gabri]

Thank you for this thread! But I'm afraid you've just given me an opportunity to vent..

I've been stewing all week after a friend, my best friend in fact, said something like--

I was thinking about how cool it is for you. You don't have to go through birth. You don't have any of the hormone issues. When your baby comes home you get to bond right away. You don't have pregnancy weight to lose. Your baby is older and you don't have any of those sleepless night. You don't have the pressure of breast feeding...

She went on and on, and I was too stunned to say anything. (Of course I've thought of 100 responses since.) Her second child was born this last winter and her first is still a toddler, so I'm sure she's feeling the exhaustion and all that goes with that and just didn't know what she was saying. Still, it left me in tears by the time I got home.

Though I know there are much more difficult stories out there our first was a Hague baby. We're almost ready for a referral for number 2, and I'm already obsessed with reading the news, following all the outs, looking for information on the US Hague, freaking out over who will be taking care of the soon-to-be-ours child and for how long. Adoption is and was our first choice. We wanted to be parents however and thought the biological route would be easier (and financially more doable). That resulted in two painful losses--the second late enough that I did go through birth, so I was especially sensative to the comments she made about me not having to experience birth. I'm used to hearing that comment said jokingly by people who don't know me but not from best friends. I thought but didn't say, "No, I haven't experienced birth with a living child." I guess I'm still angry over this one!

In the end, the adoption experience, as difficult as it was and is already proving to be again, resulted in our amazing son. I wouldn't trade even the most difficult day for a smoother adoption process or birth if it resulted in a different child. He came home at 11 months, and he's 3 now.... and I'm still in awe of him, how he came to be with us, and the person he is. Sometimes I wonder if this journey just makes us more aware, more appreciative, more amazed, and more joyful at their presence in our lives.

If I get the chance and the courage, I guess that is what I would want to say back to her.

Thanks for letting me get that one out. :-)