Niclayson,
Your post sounds a lot like one I could have written myself, only our son was a domestic, foster/adopt placement who arrived at 14 months.
The non-stop whining, the constant wanting to be carried (I didn't mind, but my back sure did!) the biting, clawing, punching, pinching, etc. Our boy hurt himself if he couldn't reach anyone else to hurt, and would bite and claw himself, too.
I was an experienced parent, and an experienced caregiver for other people's infants and toddlers, but nothing had prepared me for how stressful it would be to deal with the whining--let alone the aggression. Whew!
It sounds like you are doing the right things. We have had our son for more than a year, and I would say that we noticed huge changes every 3 months or so.
In our case, a huge breakthrough came when we taught him his first two signs: cup and more. He replaced whining for constantly demanding his cup, and he asked for more, more, more food even when his belly was so distended I thought he would pop, but hey, at least he wasn't whining!
I found holding to be very helpful and at times the only way to center him. I nursed my 3 bio kids, and there were always times when they were just so tired and upset that nursing was their only way back down--for our adopted child, holding works the same way.
Our son still has a lot of anxiety issues, still uses food and drink to soothe himself, and is still very very interested in controlling the environment and the people in it. He still whines more than my other kids did at the same age, but less than some other kids I know
Overall, he is pretty easy to live with and seems happy 85% of the time. We are still trying to deal with the 15%.
The stress of the first few months was hard. There were many mornings when I did not want to wake up, or I wanted to just go right back to bed after breakfast because I had already had enough of the whining, contolling behavior, etc. We muddled through as best we could and I don't feel that way any more.
Please don't judge yourself too harshly, hang in there, and do ask for the support and help you need and deserve.