[aamommy]

First, I want to thank you all for your input. My husband and I have come to an agreement that his name will be Archer Isaac. People can choose to call him either Archer or Isaac and then when he gets to school he can let the teachers know what he prefers to be called. I am really happy about the decision, and I feel very freed by it. This issue has been bothering me for a long, long time. I feel the name change will give me a fresh start with Archer ...... and I do feel I am finally starting to bond with him (which is probably partially due to the name change, but also because he is getting less colicky and more fun to play with).

Anyway, I have seen a therapist (which I really don't feel helped as I think both DH and I needed to be there). I realize I probably don't sound "normal" by my previous post but I can assure you 6 months ago before he came home I was one of the most "normal" people you could ever meet. I had 2 daughters, ages 3 and 2, absolutely LOVED being a mom and felt I wanted to share my love with another child or 2. I felt that since I had no problem handling 2 kids, adding 2 more would probably be a little hard for the first few months, but that I would handle it OK. Well, prior to the babies coming home I developed thyroid problems, which made it hard for me just to deal with the 2 I had. Exhaustion, irritability, anxiety .... I was mentally and physically shot. Alayna came home first and was a dream baby, thank God. Hardly ever cried, slept well. Then Isaac came home only 3 weeks later. We were completely unprepared for the call .... did not have his room ready, no crib, no boy clothes ...... we were out of town when we found out and had to make plane reservations Monday for DH to leave the next morning. It was stressful beyond belief, and when DH got there to pick him up, he was sick with a horrible cough - we had to take him to the ER when we got home and they thought he had pneumonia. He cried CONSTANTLY for several months. Wanted to be held ALL the time (which is what his foster mother did). Keep in mind I have 3 other kids under age 4 at the time .... not exactly possible for me to give him constant attention. He had reflux, spit up all over the place all day even though he was on Zantac. Wouldn't nap, woke up frequently during the night. Not like I can catch up on sleep during the few periods when he actually did sleep when I have 3 other kids to take care of. Plus, I was sick and drained physically and emotionally. Most days I just sat there and cried. I felt like a prisoner in my own home. I couldn't go anywhere with all 4 kids, and prior to him coming home I had been working PT but quit my job to become a SAHM. It was just too, too much for one person to handle. I went into full-blown PADS, and had to go on anti depressants. Anyway, since then things have gradually improved, but partially I feel that is why I want him to have a new name, to have a fresh start. I just wanted to share this with everyone so that you could see that I have gotten help, and that even though I thought I was prepared to deal with anything, I really wasn't. Prior to this happening to me, I probably would have looked at a post like mine and thought "what a loser" but now I truly know that this can happen to anyone. Anyway, now I am feeling very happy to have a fresh start with Archie and I am finally starting to feel like he is my son and that I will be able to have a nice life with him.