[faimlyguyma]

Has anyone experienced a birthmother who has been really intrusive? We agreed to one visit per year with our birthmother and at the time we made that agreeemnt she knew that we were hesitant to agree to any visits, but thought it might be in a baby's best interests and agreed to one visit per year. After our son was born she became more demanding and there was a waiting period before she could give up her rights. During this period she requested that our agreement include phone communications. We felt like we had to agree, but were somewhat concerned because the adoption happened quickly and we really are still getting to know one another. When are son was born we had to stay near the birthmother for two weeks while the legal paperwork cleared. She demanded daily visits for long periods (4-10 hours) even though we weren't sleeping and wanted time of our own to bond with our son. She also made us cart him around so that she could show him off to people including to her other son's school (note: we were horrified that about the prospect of a 3-day old baby being exposed to all the germs that exist in an elementary school) and we felt powerless to say anything. She also requested that we come back and visit 4 months later. Even before that visit she was dropping hints for additional visits this spring. In fact, she asked for or made hints for visits in every conversation we have had except for the last one. We have bitten our tongues because our adoption agent didn't want us to hurt her feelings and we didn't want to hurt her feelings because we can't imagine how difficult it must be for her, but now we feel like she thinks we are her family and hasn't been that respectful of our agreement. It also seems like she wants our attention more than she wants to keep updated on our son, but we are willing to give her the benefit of doubt on this. Have any of you had similar experiences and what have you done? We really want to be fair to her and to our son, but at this point we do not look forward to her calls. It's so hard because you agree to terms without even knowing whether you really like eachother and to us contractually setting the boundaries of a relationship and not having discussed our concerns with our son's birthmother is making it very difficult to establish a successful relationship.

thank you for your thoughts