Rilo,
Thanks for saying that about my having the courage to contact bdad (granted, it took me over a decade!) after all that happened with bmom. It really was a frightening move for me, and it took cajoling from friends for me to do it.
I think you hit it right on the head when you talked about growing a lasting relationship. That's what bdad and I have both tried to do. Some of it involves keeping a slow, manageable pace even when emotions make you want to speed things up. I think you were smart to ask bmom to wait before flying out to see you. If you do it when you're ready, it will be wonderful to meet her, I'm sure.
I can relate to what you said about your bmom being in transition and being more ready to deal with reunion now, as well as you being ready.
That's definitely how I feel about my bdad. In fact, awhile ago at a party, one of his friends said I was smart to wait because of what he was like when he was younger!
Yet, I think he could have helped in some ways--if the immaturity of both of us hadn't ruined things. He has even said that he wished he could contact me once during childhood to give me a few pointers about the way my mind worked in case it was like his.
I definitely have more self-confidence since meeting him, and I've stopped constantly trying to make myself into someone I'm not. People who don't even know about my reunion started remarking around that time that I was a "whole new Emily" in a positive way.
So I think he could have helped by understanding how my brain worked and giving me tips and self-confidence.
Awhile back, I had an awful day at work, and he understood immediately what had happened and why, whereas others would have said, "You said WHAT to WHO?" and acted like I was a moron.
What similarities do you see so far between you and bmom at this early stage? How about differences?
What have you tried as far as talking to your parents? I haven't had much luck, that's for sure!