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Originally Posted by chielu
Yes, some adoptees do not want to find their parents - I have met them and I have also talked to these same adoptees later on after they have searched and reunited.
Sure, some adoptees don't want to know from whom they receiived their eyes, nose, ears, mouth, the colour and texture of their hair, their body type, the way they walk, the sound of their voice, their talents, personality, temperament, likes and dislikes, their ethnicity, their ancestry, their medical background and so on.
Of course some adoptees are foverever grateful to their adopters for giving them a better life than the woman who "gave them away because she loved them so much" could have.
Ah, yes, the adoptee is not interested in hearing the story of how they came to be, how their mother felt them inside her womb, how easy or terrible the delivery was...
Silly me, how could I possibly think that adoptees would want anything other than what was chosen for them - adoption.
How can you remove a child from their people and think they will never want to understand and reconnect with their mother, father and roots? And the reason they won't is because you love them. How selfish and arrogant.
Don't think for a second that adopted children don't feel their adopters fears and insecurities. Don't think for a second that when an adoptee tells you they are not interested in finding their mother that this is true. Rejection is a terrifying feeling for the adoptee.
"Your remarks were very insensitive. When you lose a child, whether that child was yours by birth or adoption, no matter how long the child is with you, it is a painful process likening to a death."
Imagine how the adoptee feels - they've lost a mother, father, family, identity, ethnicity, culture and ancestry. Now that is something to grieve.
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But really, is this the time and thread for this??? Really??? It really grieves me to hear the lack of empathy in your post, the "how dare someone feel their pain and sadness is as bad as mine" tone is just plain sad.
And since you brought all these issues up here, let me just say this... once again the over-generalizing that happens in situations like this just makes me sick. Not that there will be a listening ear to what I have to say by Chielu, but here goes... many of us spend 100s of hours "imagining" what our child might feel/think/etc/etc because they came into our families through adoption.
How can you assume that ALL those who choose adoption to build their families don't think about this? How can you assume that we aren't doing everything possible to help the child we are privileged to parent understand their roots, where they come from, how they came to be our children? My DD was not "given away" nor did we "take her from her people" ...her First Mother made a parenting plan that included adoption and us as parents to her child. It was her choice, her plan, her decision.
My DD did not "lose" her first family... they are still in our lives but at this time, they choose not to have the contact we so desperately want for the benefit of our DD. She will know all of her story, as much as I know to tell her.
SOrry I took this off-topic but so many assumptions I just couldn't let go...