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We've gone through the loss of a child in our arms, only to have the entire situation fall apart in front of our eyes.
We've also lost older adopted children as well. Allow yourself to grieve; and as someone else wrote, it's okay to think that this child was a little bit yours anyway. In my own thinking, they all have been. A piece of your heart will always be saved for this 'child that wasn't'...and I think that's okay.
The main thing is this, though: Don't let this completely destroy the faith and hope you had and CAN HAVE again. Seriously, it won't do you any good (and you probably already know this), but it also will prohibit the right baby from finding YOU! Believe me...it's not a matter of IF the right baby will find you...it's a matter of WHEN. You alone have the control over 'the when'. Stay the course.......grieve as you will......but be determined to stay with this. There WILL come a day....believe me, I tell you the truth.
The day will come when everything WILL fall into place; when the right baby will find YOU....when there will be no birthfamily changing their minds. Sure, you will be scared to your boots through the entire process. Sure, you will have second doubts that this is really happening....and sure, you're thinking right now, "Naw...not ever. We're never gonna allow ourselves to be bilked like that again!!!!"
But this is the nature of adoption. It's not fair. It's not pretty. It's sad and sometimes ugly and hurts like nothing else. But...........adoption DOES work when it's right.
Stay the course. It will work for you too---just a matter of 'when'.
My best to you.....
Sincerely,
Linny
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