Hello All;
Well my husband and I have been on the foster/adopt roller coaster since our first placement November 30, 2005. We have two adorable boys R, 7 & E, 5. I am so proud things are going well for them both. And R who missed 56 days of first grade---we found out--that with all the nights reading and doing math--he is going to pass first grade. I was so thrilled I started crying for him. This was so important to R.
E, is in preschool and doing so well. His vocabulary has doubled, he's just grown all the way around. There is so much that is good for both of these boys they have really just transformed.
DSS even has told us that we are one of their best foster homes and they have never seen such a dramatic turnaround with children in such a short time.
The boys have just had such a hard past that they soaked up the love like a huge huge sponge and are just growing sooo much for themselves too! Ok, I will stop gushing--but I am thrilled for them.
We have had a tough time tho with birthmom--who of course, pretty much gives us the cold shoulder whenever possible. She's angry just about everything. Meth user, lots of jail time, etc.....very passive agressive personality. Likes to manipulate men---and goes WAY OVER BOARD when my husband would run into her. But when he didn't buy into it she got cold to him as well. Lots of control issues---with clothing, you name it. Said the boys can have trims for haircuts and the first unsupervised visit she shaved their head's almost bald. This was really hurtful for the 7 year old who had children at school make fun of him. Just hard.
As far as me and birthmom, I have learned to smile and just do what I have to do. THis past month, she was given unsupervised visits but by the second visit they were revoked for neglect and inappropriate behavior. And now we are back to only 2 45 min supervised again. Not sure what this means...but CW saids they are considering other options. {She knows we would like them---but I am thinking they have to try everything.}
So now they are saying that they are going to do a homestudy on the birth grandmother. Keep in mind GM left the state when the kids were in care and has visited maybe 4 times. Also involved with drugs and has served time in jail. No other relatives stepping to the plate.
We really would like to adopt these two beautiful children who have lived thru sooo much that I cannot begin to type it all. It's just horrendous.
So here is my question----for those of you who have seen the process---any advice on this? Where does it go from here?
And here is my next share....we got a call that they have two boys that are wanting a forever home. So we have done three visits and then this weekend we had them for three days. Talk to our current boys and they were thrilled...and had a super super time this weekend. They are A,9 and D, 6. Good kids but super angry, zip for manners and developmentally behind and literally starting at the basics---it is sooo hard to keep going back to the beginging sometimes isn't it?
ok, I am whining...and apologize up front if I sound like it.
So we are willing to adopt all four and DSS is saying that they would be fine with it---so we sit and wait. In fact, the supervisior says to me...."I bet you will have four boys". But the uncertainty is killing me and I know in my heart that whatever is best for them I will live with--it's just hard waiting.
Any words of wisdom on reunification, birthmothers and problems, and adoption with angry kids?
Send me a post....really could use your insight on this one.
Lynn
PS: We have no Bio children of our own...so we really would love to start a family.
Foster Mom to:
Son: R,7 11-30-05
Son: E, 5 11-30-05
Daughter R, 2-1-06 moved to Grandparents 4-13-06
Pre-adopt Home (and they will move in this week)
Son: A, 9
Son: D, 6