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Emily-
I really felt compelled to respond to the original questions because of your post. I wonder if that could've been my story- being "found" at 18, having tension between your parents and your new bmom, not being able to negotiate the relationship for many reasons- having no preparation-"blindsided" being only one of them. My aparents would have freaked out had anyone tried to contact me at that age. I can't imagine the pain of your bmom "demonizing" you parents to you. A tragic situation for everyone. I'm happy that you have a relationship with your bdad- that you had the courage to seek him out even after all that went down with your bmom.
I've only just begun this reunion thing. I just found this website last night and stayed up all night reading- trying to figure out if I'm doing this the "right" way, trying to begin a relationship that can last and grow and not explode and leave all of us feeling lonelier and more confused than when we began.
I had so many fantasies at 18. I was developing so quickly into the woman I wanted to be- inhabiting my dreams. I think I would have been so incredibly receptive to anything my bmom said, or needed from me, or wanted, or had dreamed for me to be, that I would have certainly incorporated her identity and needs into my own. So, I don't know if that's a good thing or bad. I imagine it would depend on the person. The little that I've heard about her life so far- the last 10 years have been huge transitions for her as well, so it was probably for the best that we had no contact until now. Maybe we are both a little more stable and able to be sensitive to eachother now. She wants to call and hop on a plane and find me, I asked if we could wait. I'm still adjusting.
I want to ask her about the story of my birth. Of her life then. What was happening in her town, her church, her school. Who my bfather is- who they were to eachother- what happened- who in her family supported her at that time- who didn't- what her fears were- her hopes- what she looked like- who she wanted to become- when she got married and started her family- she has 3 other children, and finally I want to know something about her strengths and weaknesses- maybe they could guide me, maybe we have similarities, I have always looked to older women for guidance- and I have always looked to help support younger women when I witness something I relate to all too well, you know?
What about you? What questions are you still looking for answers to? Do you think you would have become a different woman had you met your bfather sooner?
I'm sorry to hear about your aparents reaction to all of it. It sounds very similar to my own. How have you reconciled that? I want to share it with them. They are my family. Why is it something to hide, or ignore? Isn't adoption what brought us to our families? Not what is taking us away from them?
It's nice to know you'd like a scrapbook as well. I've been dreaming it up since I was 14. I think if I ever become a mother I will make one for my own child- the one I always wanted.
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