[Archive]

When I fostered I would get myself into a certain mind set with the children. Before and after the children came I would sit down and think about a mental scenario that helped me to be able to attach to the children, but to also not try to interfere with family reunification and to be able to let the children go when the time came.

I would imagine my darling neices. Then I would imagine that their mother had to go into the hospital long term. I would think how I would feel if I kept my neices for two years. I would attach to my neices and they would attach to me (they already are). I would want my sister to get better. I would do everything in my power to help her get better. I would want my neices to be able to go back and live with their mother, my sister. I would love and adore them, but never would I think of myself as their parent even if they stayed for two years.

I would then put the bio family in my sisters place in my mind. For whatever reason their children were removed, I would do everything in my power to help their parents get better. I worked closely with bio family when I fostered, that was one of my greatest strengths. I could attach and love the children but remember they were not my children. That, in the same way I would agree to take my sister's children if she was ill, I was taking these children in the hopes that their family could get better with the right help. If my sister got better and was able to take her children back into her home, I would be the happiest sister alive. By the same token, with my foster children, if the parents got better and were able to take their children back, I could let myself rejoice along with the normal sadness of missing the child.

In some of the cases one or both of the parents were allowed no contact, I just put grandma or whoever in their place in those cases.