Shanay,
I'm a first mother and am posting to wish you all the best. My son's (he's 24) adoption was closed and he started when he was 18 but I found him in Aug 1004 despite not searching ... I had my reasons. My son's attitude has been similar to those already given so bear this in mind. I can empathise with how you are feeling right now even though I didn't actively search.
Pip
