[xantii]

we got back last night empty handed. after years of trying to have a family, we were finally there. she was born and I had a chance to hold her, kiss her, study her tiny hands, care for her and begin learning how to be a first mom. I didn't fall in love inmediately, but we were on our way. and then, just as suddenly as she came, she vanished. our greatest fear came reality, the birthparents changed their mind. there is a void in my chest, a hole in my heart. i had a feeling from the beginning that there was something wrong, but I listened to everyone who told me to be positive and have faith. I should had listened to myself...the little bit of faith I had left vanished as she did.