|
I had this happen to me somewhat, I'd be glad to answer any questions. I agree, contact a lawyer FIRST, then ask the bmom to seek counseling (some insurances pay for this for her...all this needs to be under advisement of your lawyer. Research Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) as this is caused mostly by multiple caregivers (mom then grandma then you certainly qualifies)
Contact your state to see who they will accept a homestudy from (agencies or individuals), get the homestudy done and then proceed with the visits etc... getting to know the children. Arrange for therapy/evaluations for the children as well.
If you do go thru an agency with the homestudy, they may offer post placement counseling as well.
The lawyer will contact the judge in bmom's state to arrange a TPR hearing. And notify the Bdad of the adoption. At this point each state is different. Once both bparents sign TPR in front of a judge, you will still have a waiting period before you can finalize and if it is in a different state than what you live in, then you will have to have an Interstate Childrens Placement Compact done (2-3 weeks)...get a lawyer who has experience in BOTH states (assuming the children and mom live elsewhere)
Oh, man, there is just SO much to worry about here. Retain a lawyer first and foremost.
BTW, our bmom stated she was ALREADY in counseling and did not wish to take advantage of the support from the agency. As I look back, now I see her reasons to place were due to an attachment disorder. All the way, she was in control and sadly did not have much of a support base to help her thru it, I told my lawyer that he'd better look out for HER best interest as WELL as mine and let me know if there was any conflict....since she didn't have legal counsel. He hesitated but I made sure he understood, that my interests lie in protecting HER as well. and by doing that, he'd be helping me.
Be aware that the bdad(s) may not wish to relinquish to you. Good luck and read all these boards on forums.adoption.com (older child adoption, sibling adoptions, private adoption, post adoption issues...etc...)
|