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Hi! I'll try to help too.
Is she even curious about her origins? I concur with Nicole. If she knows--then absolutely.
What are the chances she wants to meet her birth family? At her age, I was all over the map emotionally. I do not think I could have gone through with reunion at that time. However, there has always been a part of me that has always wanted to.
Is there ever a “right time” to make contact? Well, I don't think there is ever a "right time", but there are wrong times. I would think really hard before contacting her right before college. You are fortunate to have a link that can report to you about her. You are going to have to trust that person's judgment on this question. Since you are unsure whether this link has even passed along your message, have you followed up and asked if this person has?
How do most adoptive parents feel about reunions? Depends on the parents. There are a lot of adoptive parents on this site that put their child's needs before their own and welcome the reunion. My parents would not have liked me to reunite when I was a teenager. Though, it's because my mother is jealous. Everyone is different. If your friend can find out how they feel about reunion, that would be the best since your daughter is only 18.
I think that right now, you should proceed with extreme caution. I agree with Nicole that you should write her a letter, but don't send it. Stay in close contact with your friend and get periodic updates that will help you decide. Ultimately, you'll "know" when the time is right.
I hope this helps in some way. If you have other questions that we aren't touching on, ask them. We'll give you feedback.
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