[Shanay235]

I am the birth mother of a beautiful daughter who just turned 18 years old in January. I need some advice on how, when, or if to proceed with contacting her. Can someone please share their thoughts/feelings on my situation???



I gave birth to her when I was 15. Shortly after the adoption, my family moved. Although the adoption was closed and private, a former neighbor, who helped arrange the adoption, has kept in contact with both my daughter’s family and mine. The neighbor has always been careful not to release too much information. I have been very fortunate to receive occasional updates, to know she is happy, healthy, loved, and had the type of life she deserved.



To make a long story short, a change of employment required us (now married, with two sons) to relocate. Unaware of this at the time, we moved to the same town where my daughter lives with her family. A few months before her 18th birthday, at a public event, I happen to see “this girl”. The feeling was indescribable, I knew at that moment it was my daughter. Since that time, through various sources, I have been able to confirm her identity.



From what I have been told, she knows that she is adopted. I am uncertain as to whether or not this has been done, but on occasions I have reminded our former neighbor that I am open for contact and requested that she relay this information to the parent’s. I am also unsure if the neighbor has informed her parent’s that I now live in the same city. Only my immediate family and her biological father are aware that I have located her.



She is a senior in high school. Prom and graduation will be here soon. This is a very important and exciting time in her life.



Even though I desperately want to meet and hopefully have a relationship with her, I do not want to risk disrupting her life. After finding her, my initial reaction was to post listings on adoption registries, ISSR, etc. and wait. After reading some adoptee stories, I’m beginning to question myself.



Now the questions……………………………….



Is she even curious about her origins?



What are the chances she wants to meet her birth family?



At 18, is she even old enough to deal with the emotional aspect of a reunion?



Is there ever a “right time” to make contact?



How do most adoptive parents feel about reunions?





The questions could go on and on. As adoptee’s, you know where I’m going and are the only ones who can provide any answers.