[DavidKed]

Most of the time, I am tough as nails and I am the man you want in your corner in a crisis. Managing crisis is what I do best - I am cool, calm, positive, and I will find a way out of the crisis (because I always believe I can find a way out). Example - 2 weeks ago, I saved a 43 year old company from going under. They were toast before I got involved. I was at my absolute best with the management team - pushing them to act in the right direction, keeping them positive, and find answers to impossible problems. One member of the management team said about me - I have never seen anyone that good or that brilliant before. And, I do it every day in a ton of different crisis situations and I never ever lose an ounce of control. I used to post here a bit but I stopped and got "back in the game". Everything has just been so awesome for me.

Well, today I got an email from my son's adoptive father. It was the first time I heard from him since 1987. I am sitting in my room and I am a complete wreck and I cant move. I feel gone and I am twitching - the only thing on this planet that makes me twitch.

I don't understand why the adoption has such an effect on me but I hate. It turns me into something I am not. It turns me into a scared shaking little child. This will pass but the thing I hate is that there is a part of me that always knows it is lurking and that knows it is hiding in the shadows waiting to attack me.

I have such a wonderful life. Why wont it leave me alone?