Hi everyone....
I need some advice please...
We are in an open adoption with dd bmom. She has a son who she is parenting. She has another son that lives with his father who she and her son see as often as they can. The older brother, who is 13 is the one who is living with her and knows about our dd. The other brother who is 10 does not know about dd. Bmom and son felt it was best not to tell him as they are afraid it could impact their visits with the boy and would cause them grief.
So my question is this. My dd knows about the brother she sees. She does not know about the other brother. When is the best time to tell her about him? I was under the impression that if they are told when they are little, then it is not big deal with them. I see this with the open adoption and her brother. My dd just accepts him as her older brother. I want to tell her about this other brother, so as not to keep it from her, but I don't know if I should since her bmom and brother don't think it's best to tell him yet. What if dd wants to meet him? Am I opening a can of worms here? My dd is almost 5, so things are starting to come together for her. I don't want her to feel as if "I" am keeping secrets from her. I don't want to wait to long either. I didn't get into open adoption to keep secrets. I don't want to keep this secret from my dd yet it could cause problems between her and her bfamily. Visits with the other son IS NOT a possibility. We have discussed this with her bmom and brother and both feel strongly on keeping them separate. Both brothers have the same father. Our dd has a different bfather.
How can I handle this so that no one gets hurt? Not the bfamily or my dd?
