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Hi Joy,
I just joined this forum and realize your post is an older one but had to respond. One of my dearest friends is a survivor of sra and I completely understand your difficulty with certain times of the year. Please feel free to email me or pm me if you need some support at any time. I can only offer understanding based on what my friend shared with me over the course of several years, and what we experienced together. There is a level of trust that she has with me that is uncommon for her in general. She has mpd and I had always just accepted each as their own personhood and related to each as an individual. She too, has trouble "putting the past behind her". No one can understand the absolute horror you were subjected to and that you live in the shadow of even today. But, as many have posted here to encourage you, Christ has overcome the evil one and, although we still live in a world that seems overrun with corruption and infliction of pain, there are many good people out here who mean no harm. There are many who live to reflect the love of God to a hurting world. And, there are many, just like you, who have been so abused that it must be difficult to know who to trust and that includes trusting in Christ. The worst abuse is the lies you were told from your earliest remembrance that what is meant to be for your good is evil. I say to you, Christ has lived it all, suffered through all of it, and more, to set you free. Do not believe the lies, rather, place your trust in Him, He will never leave you nor forsake you. If you trust no one else, trust in Christ with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength. Enough for now, dear one, take good care of yourself and know that there are some out here who know and care. I am deeply troubled by the common misconceptions others have of your experience. Please know that I know.
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