I originally joined the forums here to learn all I could about open adoption. I thought it was a strange and weird concept. I was under the impression that all birthmothers up and left the hospital without looking back for their own reasons. I thought it would too painful for them to want any contact. Oh, how wrong I learned I was and I am now so greatful that I at least educated myself first.
I will be honest and admit that I secretly admired those on here that made it work and I wondered if we could, too. I thought it would be too hard to send pics and stuff with raising a newborn and with the demands of life. I thought it would be an intrusion and would keep me from bonding with our child. I was also wrong on all of those fronts. Although I am an a huge procrastinator, I have already sent packs of pics with letters and updates twice in the month since we've been home. And I love the excitement in her voice when she calls after she has received them. It makes me happy to know that I am keeping up with my end of the bargain (and that's a lot because our written agreement only called for this twice a year in June and December, and she expected her first set to be in June!).
For us, it hasn't been an intrusion, we have been bonding well with dd, we look forward to our yearly visits in the summer, and I am relieved.
I do, however, agree with those here who have said that you must be honest with yourself first and stick to your guns no matter what. I don't know how I could live with myself if I promised something and then changed my mind. It's not like deciding on grapes after you first thought you wanted bananas. This is a life we are talking about and if a bmom is willing to sacrifice her child to have a better life, then what's a pic and a letter in the long run to help her at least have some connection with her child?
Linny,
I also don't agree with the ageny being involved. While I LOVE our agency to death, we decided from the beginning that we would not use them as the middle man and would contact one another ourselves. I will, however, send a small packet of pics twice a year with our contact info to keep for birthdad, who wanted no contact. They will be mailing him a letter once we send them to see if he wants them. He may change his mind.
So do what you feel is best and learn all you can before you make a decision. Good luck!
