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We chose open adoption because in our province, it is the only option. Here, even a child out of foster care is encouraged to have contact as far as it is healthy for the child and his/her family. ALL records are open and are not closed unless it is a dangerous situation.
I must admit when looking into adoption, DH and I explored many, many options other than domestic infant placement because we were fearful of what an open relationship might involve. As we researched and worked through the decision, we heard stories, and gathered information about how an open relationship on any level can be a positive thing for a child we were parenting.
Our experience also involves two very personal situations that really opened our eyes. DH's sister placed her first child in a closed adoption 25 years ago. Her grief at not knowing where her DD is or even if she is alive has profoundly affected her and her outlook on life. All records are open but it doesn't mean they can be found once contact is lost. Also, we have a SIL who was placed for adoption in the closed era. Her struggle for information and desire to know people who looked/acted like her was also very formative in her life.
With all this put together, it made it very possible for us to consider the possibilities of an open relationship. And after our DD's birth I must say that really, we desire a more open relationship than her first mother. We've had three visits so far and wish for more. We send letters/pics etc often and receive little back. I feel bonded to this family because they are a part of who DD is... that is the bottom line. To me, even if you have a closed adoption, that family is still a part of your life. You can't ignore how your child entered the world and your life. It is a part of their story... why not include their first family? It doesn't mean you have to take vacations or have monthly contact... you can only do what you are comfortable with... explore the possibilities... you might surprise yourself as to what happens and the joy it brings you.
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Tammy
Momma to Two Great Kids!!!!
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