Hi From Jody, reunited adoptee and adoption triad support group leader in Wheaton IL, suburb of Chicagoland area. God bless you on your search for your birth daughter. I would suggest you go to this website- the best in Illinois for search and reunion resources:
www.whiteoakfoundation.org
The founder is a birth mother and has helped many persons in search and reunion in IL. I call her the "walking textbook of Illinois adoption search."
Adoption search IS a rollercoaster due to the strong emotions/dreams and expectations. I host an adoption triad support group locally in Wheaton IL and it is great for persons embarking on search and reunion to attend these support groups. There you meet birth mothers, fathers, adoptive parents and adult adoptees and glean much from others who have walked this journey or are in the process. As others have said, there is no guarantee what the outcome will be- and in closed adoptions, it is unknown how the adoptee has been educated or not about their adoption/info on their birth family. Many adoptees from my generation and decades surrounding it- the 1950's, were told little to nothing about their birth parents and many were not ever told they would meet their birth parents or should search for them. So many adoptees have not "awakened" to envisioning search and reunion. But many have also due to the talk shows and media coverage on this topic. This is all to say that it is So important to take it slow with contact and reunion and to "test" the waters and see where the other person is. Often adoptees have loyalty issues, and do not want to "rock the boat" with the parents who have raised them. For some reason, which is hard to sort through, adoptees feel that they may alienate or hurt their parents if the search or reunite or talk about the birth family. It is important to read ALOT on adoption issues that can surface in search and reunion and be prepared for any scenario. The best reunions I have witnessed in my 12 years attending adoption triad support groups and hosting them, are those where the persons involved have educated themselves and are sensitive to the issues that are real and arise in adoption search/reunion. I encourage persons in my support group to be aware of their own feelings/needs/sensitivities and then also be open to the other persons who they are searching for- often they can be at very different places. Patience is truly a virtue in this journey without a road map.
God's blessings as you take this courageous journey and I pray you will reach for all the outside supports, groups, books and resources to best prepare you.
Thanks for sharing!
Jody
