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Shy bear:
You go with what you feel is right. Yes, you are the mom and bmom should have ask you first. What I would do is mention to her very nicely: " oh, I overheard you talking about sleepovers...we aren't comfortable with that, and in future please speak with us first" and let it go.I don't think she mean't to be disrepectful( or was aware of it).
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