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Well, I was never allowed to sleep out when I was little, so I understand why you would be apprehensive about letting her spend the night out with anyone, particularly since birthmom's boyfriend is nearly a stranger to you.
I don't know if I would say she was out of line, but I think she should have asked you privately first. Hopefully your daughter will understand, and you won't end up looking like "the bad guy".
Good luck.
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