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Originally Posted By To Tonja from Kathy

I can relate to everything you wrote! I found my bio-mom 12 years ago and it wasn't until 6 months ago that I finally dealt with all my "feelings." Therapy was a BIG help in achieving this :0) You said it nicely when you spoke about learning you had a birth name from your bio-mom by saying, "...just lost who I thought I was.." When I learned I was born Tiffany Ann, I freaked! When my records were unsealed and I sat in another room at the courthouse to open my file I thought I was handed the wrong file. The clerk who handed it to me said, "No dear, that's you." I almost passed out. I never thought I had a different name than what I was given at 10 days old by my a-parents.

Like you, I was told at a very early age that I was adopted. I have two siblings that are not adopted and my folks have always made me feel "biological."

After knowing myself for 34 years, I have just started to really "know myself," if that makes any sense. I have two children and like you (so many similarities!!) I am glad they will never have to deal with being adopted. It's wonderful and tragic, all at the same time. Wonderful because there is a family out there making you part of their life but tragic because there is a "family" out there that misses you and will not get to see you grow up. That's a lot for us adoptees and we don't deal with stuff like that until we are adults.

When I was 22 years old and had just located my birth-mom, I went to dinner with my roommate and her folks. When her mother learned of my reunion with my birth mother and the whole adoption "thing," she said to me, "Sweetie, you need therapy." I was so hurt and angry that she said that to me. After all, I came from a loving home and had a good life growing up, I had just found my bio-mom...how could I need therapy? Twelve years later I FINALLY put myself into therapy. My friend's mother was right all along. I didn't know I was in need of healing because I didn't know what it meant to be adopted...I just knew what the term meant.

My supportive family and hubby and friends are great too, but like yours, they just can't understand how I FEEL. Now I can because through therapy I've been able to understand how I feel. Good luck to you Tonja. Feel free to e-mail me any time!
lubeck@charter.net

I wish you peace.