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As an aparent, I need to know that the bmom has total confidence in her decision to place. IMO, you can always try to parent and decide to place later.
Adoption is for bmoms who do not wish to parent....simple.....a "better life" is a myth, they would simply have a different life. Unless of course by keeping the child, would subject them to abusive people in the bmom's own life (I know a few done for those reasons). You do not have to place straight out of the hospital......I also know of many bmoms who tried to parent first and then decided later to place. Just as many homes are waiting for ANY age child.
Counseling now is a good idea. BUT just because the counselor isn't affiliated with an agency doesn't mean they WON'T have their own agenda's. If you start getting advice that doesn't feel right or feels too pushy...back away and find someone else. My agency provides counseling for LIFE for not just adoption issues for any bmom.....but they are an agency too. What ever you decide, be sure it is an informed decision. Not all bmom's regret placing....these are usually the ones who did all the reasearch ahead of time. Also if you choose to meet with couples and you still aren't sure if you will be placing, BE HONEST....Our failed matches gave me ZERO grief because from the beginning I knew they had not chosen adoption yet and IF they did, THEN it was a match. No harm or grief to me when they decided to parent. All gifts, etc were OK for them to keep, because I knew the truth going into it. I would DIE inside to find that a baby I adopted had been coerced from a bmom and was now causing her massive grief because she wished to be a parent, but felt obligated to place.
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