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"mom2alex"
Wow!!! You sound just like me....we both try way to hard and care way to much!!!
I can only share with you my experience....
-slow down, take a breath and take care of your family FIRST, your child does not need all these answers(you will likley never get...and what you do get will NEVER be enough...believe me). What your child needs is YOU and YOUR FAMILY. Everything else can come later when EVERYONE feels it's the right time and everyone is able to handle it. Your childs birthmom no doubt enjoys the pictures and updates, but that doesn't mean she's ready for a relationship right now.
I would write her a friendly letter stating that if she ever feels ready for contact you'd love to hear from her and that you will continue to send pictures and updates but your schedule for doing so will change slightely to accomodate the needs of your family. Then lay out the schedule that feels comfortable for you. Like updates once, twice, three times a year or whatever you feel comfortbale with. I would offer her the minimum because you'd probably feel really bad in the future to have to cut it down some more....but adding more in the future as needed would just be an added blessing.
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