Just our experience in a nutshell, ok, a big nutshell. I had wanted a closed adoption, seemed simpler, less risky perhaps? One grand morning our agency called and said a baby girl had been born that morning, get to GA 1000 miles away
now if we were interested in her. BUT BMom wanted to meet us at the hospital
(struck fear in my heart, but I wanted this baby!)
16 months later I can say I am totally 100% grateful we met her. Not only did we get to meet a wonderful, if hurt, woman, but it put a face to the woman who was giving us the greatest gift ever. I love knowing who I'm writing updates for, I am SO happy for DD that BMom is interested in her life, and would like to re-meet her in the not too distant future. No doubt we would have beeen happy with a closed adoption(ignorant, but happy), but we would have so completely shortchanged ourselves.
I HATE to say this, it truly embarrases me, that pre-adoption I had an image of a "BirthMom", and it was the wild crazed party animal I went to college with who put her baby up for closed adoption. I would have feared this girl had I adopted her baby. Our BirthMom is totally NOT that. And to actually see both the love and pain in her eyes when she put DD in my arms for the final time, I never could have imagined it! - or our emotions at walking out of that room with our baby girl
while she sat on the bed and watched us leave with her baby girl
It changed my life, that's for sure.
Now the "disclaimer", I know all BirthMoms are different, but this was our experience. For us, semi-open to be opened eventually seems a perfect situation.
I did a lot of reading from a BMom's perspective here on the forums, I learned to cherish the relationship, and not take it for granted. There's a lot of great BirthMoms here who have helped me more than they'll ever know!
Also to keep in mind, and I hope I put this correctly- many or most of the people coming to these forums do so because of some difficulty or hardship regarding the adoption process, be it a beginner unsure what to do next or something has gone awry their process. My point is, a lot of us have no trouble with the process, but we hear far less from these folks (out raising their babies, being parents!). I still come here as time allows, partly because I want to tell when I can, that adoption CAN go smoothly. -also as a 1st time mom I find others' experiences priceless
take care,
maxi