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Adelle,
You might get more answers on the step-parent adoption board as this is the scenario that most closely resembles yours. In my limited knowledge, the baby's mother would have to terminate her parental rights to the baby AND you and the baby's father would have to be married in order for you to adopt the baby.
As far as your bf getting custody of the baby, that is between him and the baby's mother to work out either on their own if possible, or through the appropriate legal channels if necessary.
I understood from reading what you wrote that there are a lot of complicated feelings here for you and bf. Maybe some counseling would help all of you come to resolution on this for the child's sake. Any sense of bitterness or discomfort between you, bf, and the baby's mother will be palpable to the child if its not dealt with.
Good luck!
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