[ess922]

Hi,

As an adoptive mom, I can SO appreciate what difficult dilemna this must be for you!

A few questions poppped to mind as I read your post:

Has the pbmom you met on your own been in touch with your atty at all? The reason I ask is this (and maybe your atty does things differently), we are matched with someone due in late May and she has been working with OUR atty all along. Just in the past few weeks has our atty gotten her in touch with the atty who will actually be representing her...

Has the pbmom provided proof of pg? Is she getting prenatal care? Have you met her? Sorry to be cynical, but with all the awful scams out there today, do you have enough information about her to feel comfortable that she is for real?

I don't think there's a way to ask the pbmom why she has not contacted the atty that would not feel like pressure to her. Its very hard for you, I know. But for her, especially if she's feeling relieved as you said, to have found a family, dealing with the logistics might not be something she's up for just now...

In terms of the agency situation... if their pbmom selects you, you don't have a say in whether or not you match with her? there is no match meeting? I would be concerned about this because you say that with the pbmom you found on your own you are very comfortable with the relationship and plan full openness after the birth. How do you know you'd feel that way about this pbmom? How do you know you are compatible in terms of what you each want in terms of openness? It is a lifelong relationship and you both need to feel comfortable.

We have full openness with our 1st child's bmom so I know how much goes into the relationship...

It could be fine to have your profile shown to the agency pbmom as long as you have some say as to what happens if she does choose you.

Finally, I'd ask yourself, would/could you consider adopting both children. I know that might seem ridiculous at first thought, but I know of a bunch of families who have done just that and the children are only a few months apart. If the agency pbmom chooses you and you are comfortable with her, could you see asking the other pbmom how she'd feel if you adopted both children?

There's a lot to consider here! Good luck with whatever you decide! Feel free to PM if you want someone to 'talk' to about this further.

And please update to let us know what happens. All the best, Ellie