Before beginning, let me just say that I feel like a terrible person for even having this dilemma, but I really don't know what to do!
After the grief of
infertility treatments and 2 failed placements, I finally met a potential birthmother who really seemed perfect for me (I am working both independently and with an agency, and I met her on my own). We clicked immediately, and I am looking forward to a great pre-
birth relationship and an open (with visits) relationship after the
baby is born. The one problem is that, after 2 weeks, she still has not contacted an
attorney. (My attorney recommended someone for her, and I will pay for her representation). I don't know if she is delaying because (1) it's not a priority/she's too busy--she has 3 other kids, (2) she doesn't feel any urgency because she's not due until August, or (3) contacting the
lawyer is a sign of commitment, and she's not ready for that step yet. I don't want to keep bugging her about it because, especially if the reason is (3), I don't want to pressure her to make a decision she's not ready to make.
In the meantime, my agency called this week to tell me that they want to present my profile to another prospective birthmother. Her baby is due at the end of May. There's no guarantee that the mom will select me, but if she does, I am obligated to work with her and not the first woman. The social worker from the agency basically said that she wouldn't recommend waiting around for someone who's not due until August, because there's a good chance she'll change her mind. Although I initially took exception to her statement, I realize I really don't know what's going on with the August mom. If she had already contacted the lawyer, I'd feel a lot more confident, but since she hasn't. . . Of course, with either choice, the mom could decide to
parent at any time.
One minute I lean towards allowing the agency to show my profile, and the next minute I think absolutely not. I guess my question is: if I decide to work with the agency mom, how devastating will that be to the August mom? She seemed relieved to have the task of finding a family out of the way. Another question: is there a way to find out why she hasn't contacted the lawyer without putting pressure on her?
Any advice?