I can only offer my experience. I am a Bmom. I placed two children almost 15 years ago. It still feels unreal. Even writing "15 years ago" it's like, no way - that wasn't me -it can't be that long ago! Anyhow, I think the advive to get OUTSIDE (out of the agency) advice/therapy is EXCELLENT. The agency has a vested interest in getting you to place your child, they are too directly involved to offer unbiased support. That being said, I'm not sure what resources are out there to help you consider this decision. I don't know how many therapists are trained in adoption loss, etc. or how you would find one. I once read someone say that adoption was a long-term solution to an immediate
problem. It is so true that adoption is forever; it is also true that you don't stop being a mother when you sign the papers. You will always be your child's mother. My adoptions are semi-open and contact has been consistent and very healthy for me -that is not always the case. It can be said that some people will promise you the moon and stars (or that they will "LOVE you forever", how that plays into our insecurities!)
and then once you sign over your baby they are long gone, see you later sister!
I am not a "bitter birthmom" or whatever you want to call it. I am not anti-adoption. I made the best choice I could for that time in my life and while I have some regrets I am OK with my choices. I was not in a healthy situation to parent and I think it would have been bad for bot hme and my babies had I parented -AT THAT TIME.
Now, onto your question. I am now married and the mom of two cute little hellions, my two boys. It is not easy and I still don't think I am an A+ Mom, but heck yeah, I "deserve it"! In many ways I feel like I deserve it all the more because of what I "gave up". I experiened fertility issues when trying to get pregnant -how ironic. I think getting into counseling to deal with the whole adoption thing (including feelings of worth) was so crititcal to me.
Long answer, sorry to ramble.
There is lots of great support here. Welcome.
GiGi