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Reunion, even in the best situations, is a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Many times both parties are not in the same place at the same time. I agree very much with what love4 said about going slowly, patiently, with understanding and placing yourself in the other person's shoes. You amom is going through quite a bit right now. You would want some consideration if in the same boat. I also agree with stillwaiting in that have you fully prepared yourself for what you may find and why and what you are searching for? Not that there are any right or wrong reasons for searching, I just think when we examine why we are searching, it gives us a perspective and helps us understand what we are hoping to gain through reunion. I do believe that you have the right to know answers, I am an adoptee, also. But I think that so many people think only of themselves and what they are "entitled" to. Adoption and the triad are very complicated, with many different views. For every happy reunion there are half a dozen that have not worked out. I think it is important when going forward to think about others. It seems to get the best results. Do a lot of research, talk to other amom's here and ask how they would want to be told and how things might go easier. Ask bmom's in what helps when making first contact. And realize that this forum has great info, but it doesn't represent all views, especially the bmom's that don't want to be contacted. And to take things slowly. Realize that things may not be right at this moment, where in a few years, things may be better. Ulimately you have to do what you feel in your heart to be right, and I am by no means telling you not to search. I am saying to take time, think greatly about it and ALL parties involved, it is so easy to burn bridges by moving quickly and wanting what YOU want and not considering how someone else is feeling. I do not think that you shouldn't search because your mother may get upset. I am saying that with all that is going on in her life right now, give her a little more consideration and be very gentle. I wouldn't hide what I am doing from her, but I wouldn't go into every detail either. I wish you luck and insight as to what to do.
Carolyn
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