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All I can say is I am so sorry. I have been through the crying spells - hiding it all from my son, the terror, the every-day-I-feel-like-I-am-losing-it, and at the same time being the best Mom possible. I used to cry every day in my car on the way to work. I couldn't cry at home, I couldn't cry at work, all I had was a few minutes in between.
This is a terror that is consuming and terrible - and it seemed no one understands. People would say to me, "What's the big deal? You have him for today." And they would have no clue.
One thing that helped me was remembering that no one - not God or man - has ever promised us another day with our children. A friend of mine's son died recently and tragically and it brought all my fears up. How sad. How sad that her son died and how sad that our children may or may not be with us tomorrow. It is a living h--- to go every day knowing that the courts can just sign a paper and take away our child. Same thing in my case.
Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray. And then when there is nothing else to do, pray. My prayers are still not answered - and yet it is still all I can do. And know that there are others of us out here going through the same thing and all our hopes and prayers and wishes together may send a signal somewhere for someone to stop all the madness and look out for the child.
Hang in there. My husband was in Iraq while most of mine was going on - years of it. Now he is home and still it goes on and on. Hang in there.
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