[SchmennaLeigh]

Again, I'm with the before puberty thing.

Perhaps write to the birthmother and say, "Ya know, this is the idea we have but if it does not work for our daughter we hope that you would understand our need to stop visitation until she makes that decision on her own. We're just trying to figure our way through this one."

Problems can and may occur. But if you have both adult sides of the triad in agreement as to what steps should be taken when and if they should arise, anything can be worked through.

Start with contacting them to see if they are receptive to the idea and willing to work on your terms.

Best of luck on this new venture!