[Navy_RP_Wife]

I have posted before asking for help disiplining my 4 year old foster son, but here I am again looking for advice. Just a quick background, we have had B and his sister, M, since November and this is the 2nd time they have been in foster care and when we got them they had been in care for 6 months. Prior to being put into foster care for the first time, DHS stepped in twice and did in home counseling and classes for the parents. Dad is in jail for money laundrying/durgs. Mom is addicted to ice and alcohol. She is a prostitute who brought her customers home around the kids, left them alone to go clubbing, neglected them when she was home, etc etc etc etc etc M is very parentified and there is suspision that they have been molested. M, at almost 7 is very smart and vocal and talks pretty well about how she is feeling. She has some minor behavior issues, but are managable. B, on the other hand is enough to challenge the patience of a saint! Unfortunately, patience doesn't seem to be a virtue DH and I got alot of. Both kids grew up with no guidelines, no one to care if they were doing something to hurt themselves and all of that. M, she likes having rules and knowing exactly what is expected of her. There is a strong sense that B was exposed in utero to Ice and for sure cigarette smoke. Several docs have said he is showing all symptoms of ADHD. He is described as marching to the beat of his own drum and its not one anyone else has, lol! He knows the rules and proceeds to break them because "I want to" as he tells us. Such as running in the house or jumping on the furniture, things where he can get hurt. He doesn't listen to most things that are said to him or asked of him. When correcting his behavior or just talking to him in general, he flies so far out into left field we literally have to holler his name to get his attention back.

We strongly believe that he has a form of attachment disorder and have been able to rule out RAD as well as ODD. He literally just seems like he doesn't care about anything or anyone. Except his sister whom he kinda sees as mom. He doesn't throw temper tantrums or mouths off to us, or anything like that. It is just constantly not following the rules and he knows the rules. When we catch him doing something wrong, we ask him what he is doing wrong and he can tell us what he did. We have tried time outs, grounding him to the house, making him sit, making him hold our pockets as a time out, over correction, etc etc Nothing seems to get through to this child. We qualified for difficulty of care payments for his behavior and we are getting the maximum amount because he requires an additional 40 hours of care a week, they say. It is just constant with this child. Funny thing is he is so sweet and affectionate to us, giving us hugs, telling us he loves us and all that. Things he doesn't do to his bio mom.

Now it looks like their case is going to TPR and we are wanting to adopt them, nothing is going to change that. However, we want him to succeed in life and to do that he needs to learn to make good choices not bad ones. His doctors, at best, are reluctant to prescribe medication, but something has to give here. We know that it takes time and he has gotten better while in our care but most days it feels like 2 steps forward 5 back with him. Any ideas, books, anything would be greatly appreciated!