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Originally Posted by Adee
I just checked back over my original post and realised I never stated the most important factor  : My comfort levels aside, I first and foremost want any child I adopt to feel secure and loved, growing up in the way most beneficial to him or her. In most cases, I believe it's more difficult to provide the above in closed adoptions, so I'm open to open adoption. (No pun intended.) Just not so far as to share cupboard space.
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Now reading your second post, I see you are farther along the thinking process than I thought... you are on your way to finding that "common ground" where you and a first family could make the best place for your child.
I had to LOL at the "sharing cupboard space" comment... in my original post to you I used a loose comparison about DH and HIS family. Love my MIL , but as you said I wouldn't want to "share cupboard space" with her. Openness is not about living together although I know there are some who find frequent contact comforting and beneficial. In the end, you have to make peace with an arrangement you can all live with.