[LisaCA]

we're one of those that's added a family, but that's not how it started out. At first we were a bit cautious of the open thing with visits and stuff (I tend toward the antisocial, lol). After doing a ton of reading and taking some time to research, talk to others, think, etc, we decided we wanted an open adoption, one with visits would be great. we were matched (briefly before dd was born) with a family that wanted semi open, stuff sent to agency, etc. After talking with us for 2.5 hours at one point and then dd's birth, we were very open, lol. phone numbers, business cards, email addresses, etc all exchanged, saw them several times before we left the state, etc. we've visited them for a week last summer and will hopefully be able to swing another visit this year, with plans to visit once a year at least.

start with your minimum comfort level. if something else is going to happen, it will naturally happen. don't push something you're not comfortable with, but take the time to find out your comfort level. so many times we're in a hurry to adopt, but taking a month or whatever to think it thru, read a few books and make an informed decision, is worth that time!

btw, it's usually when you meet and see each other that the relationship starts to change. it may always be open or semi open, whatever, but that baby's appearance makes everyone feel differently. dd's bfamily wasn't sure they wanted to see dd, feeling it would be too hard to "let go". dd's born and boom, everyone's in the room holding her and cuddling with her. that changed their minds about what they wanted, but they were cautious, not wanting to overstep their bounds. I encouraged them to get as close as they felt, we were happy with that. So don't worry about bfamilies all of a sudden wanting to cling to you etc, they'll most likely be respectful and amazed at the process too. I suspect dd's family would have been happy with a phone call once a year and photos 4x a year, but they love the photos every month or two and phone calls several times a year. they wanted to play it by my rules.

just make sure you know to the best of your abilities, what your minimum comfort level is. then you can be matched with someone who has the same. Sometimes like in our case bfamilies initially want less contact then afamilies, but that can change on both parts.

I know there are some that are not so interested in the type of open adoption that we have and that's just fine. I think it's knowing where your comfort level is that determines whether a match will work for the long-term. Hey, I'm stressed taking dd to any visits once a month! we don't even see my sis that often and she lives 2 hrs a way, lol. do what's comfortable for you but take the time to determine what that is.

good luck!

lisa