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LOL! I liked your term "sharing cupboard space"! It reminded me of a close friend. She and her husband went to Central America pick up their adopted son. When they met the young mother (~14 years of age), it was obvious that the adoption choice was being made for her because she was extremely distraught about losing her son. So, my friends decided to adopt the mother too. Now that's openess! They all live together happily on their farm in sunny Southern France. Certainly not for everyone!
That said, people should not be critisized for their choice of openess as long as the are honest about what they want. By no means should you attempt to match with an expectant parent who wants a very open adoption and you are not comfortable with that. It is a recipe for hurt for both sides and will hurt the child down the road. When my daughter was pregnant, we had a very bad experience with a couple that seemed perfect to her and said that they wanted a very open adoption. But then they started negotiating for "no contact", and we were told that contact was not normal and that we were being "too demanding". And guess who was the "bad guy" when my daughter said no? Yup, her - another "flaky" bmom who can't seem to make up her mind.
I admire you for doing research and coming to terms with what your feelings are. I am sure you will find a happy match.
Happy G'Ma
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