If that level of contact isn't desired by the adoptive family, don't match with an expectant Mother that desires that level of contact. I believe that's what a large majority of the 'beef' that you're talking about occurs with; when a family matches with an Expectant Mother and they both have vastly different ideas of what they want their adoption to be like. Be honest and up front with your intention and then, most likely, no one will enter into the agreement only to be sadly disappointed, uncomfortable or otherwise compromised.
