[Gs_Mom]

Thought I would add my two cents ...

We recently adopted a newborn. I found this board after placement and, like you, was/am a bit surprised to see how much people advocate a "very open" adoption and seem to be critical of anyone who wants anything less. But, I think that everyone is entitled to their opinion and many posts I've read are great food for thought.

Originally, we were matched with the bmom because we and she wanted a closed adoption. I guess I really didn't want a closed adoption, because we did want all the information she was comfortable giving and to meet her. But, we did not want contact after the adoption.

While at the hospital she (nervously) asked if we would send some pictures and letters. We readily agreed. So, looks like we have ourselves an open adoption. But, the phrase can mean a lot of different thing. I don't think I would be comfortable with weekly/daily phone calls or annual vacations.

Since being home, I wonder often about how the bmom is doing. So far, though, I haven't thought "oh I wish I had asked that question." Of course, it has only been a couple of months. So, I'm glad I have a way to reach her just in case. We plan to maintain contact with her, if she allows.

This board has opened my eyes a bit on the subject. One poster wrote something to the effect that you owe it to your child. Guess I agree with that. While we may have thought we would be uncomfortable with an open adoption, our DS deserves to know what he can about his bio family. We owe it to him to have a semi-open adoption.

All that to say, I personally think its okay to be uncomfortable with the idea of a very open adoption and not everyone here will be critical of you if you do not agree to have one. It is possible to have a closed or semi-open adoption. But, IMHO your child will have questions that he/she deserves answers to and you owe it to him/her to get over your discomfort and work out a viable arrangement with the bmom.

Just my two cents.