Hi all! Recently registered after observing for a while. Little background on me so no one feels like they're responding to a total stranger: I'm currently a single woman in my 20s; I've always known ever since I was a child I'd adopt at some point (going so far as to start "practising" by adopting my furbabies, the dogs
); I'm very active outdoors and enjoy riding horses and love animals in general and am presently studying canine behaviourism; and I am an avid reader of both fiction and non-fiction – although sci-fi and fantasy are rather predominant. I'm also not very Internet savvy, so go easy on me. I'm not quite ready to start the adoption process yet, though, so I'm doing all the reading I can now. On to the question and I'm going to be very honest with my feelings so that I can get honest replies back.
I've been going over these message boards and have got wonderful advice and ideas; I can tell that this is an overall nice place. However, I've been getting a "feeling" that many people are more supportive of VERY open adoptions. In fact, a few people seem so enthusiastic, their posts imply that anyone wanting a less open adoption is a terrible prospective amum. Now, the last thing I want is to be offensive, so if I am wrong, then I apologise in advance. I'm just trying to get further understanding.
It's only that I've noticed some posts on here mention bmums and their families going on holidays with the afamily. ??? If another member feels differently about contact, one could almost cut the disapproval with a knife. Then the ones favourable to open adoption begin discussing very pointedly about bmums rights and the need for a child to see his/her BP. Yet I rarely see anyone bringing up the afamily's rights: What if that level of contact isn't desired by them? I realise semi-open and closed adoptions are legally available, but as I said before, from what I've observed on here, it seems like people who advocate this form of adoption are oddities and dismissed.
I would just feel quite stressed about adopting, but taking my child for visits with his or her mother every month. Is that deplorable?
I don't mind candid replies; I am seeking opinions on this. Compared to most of you, I'm probably not as experienced.
I also acknowledge and am aware that one of the reasons bmums want/need contact with their children is because they've been joined with them for ~9 months and have a connection with them. What I'm putting forth is, isn't it fair to allow amums their chance to connect with the child(ren) as well? I don't know about others, but it would give me a shock if my child came home one day and said something like, 'Look what my Mummy (or "other" Mummy) gave me!'
Thoughts?