[moelladeville]

I so know what you are going through. My younger sister died of cancer in the middle of my first adoption. The last conversation I had with her was from first visit trip to Guatemala in which I told her my son would carry her initials as his middle name (I didn't think giving a boy the middle name Kathleen would be too nice). She was so excited. I like that you have two with her name as a middle name. What a wonderful tribute.

But the grief hits me hard now and then. We were so close -- I know she would have been with me on my pickup trips. I'd be getting hand-me-downs from her children. We'd be sharing advice about school and toilet training and other kid-related things. Her husband has remarried and has little contact with our family -- I think it is hard for him, so I don't even see or hear from her children, which is hard. You are lucky her husband is still in your life. My sister will be gone three years this May, and it's still hard, so my heart goes out to you.

That said, like you, I still believe she is with me everywhere. We always talked about pennies from heaven, and while I was on my pickup trip for my daughter a few weeks ago, I saw US pennies everywhere I went, beginning on the plane and all over Guatemala. I found one in all three of our hotel rooms. So I take comfort in that kind of thing, and I hope you can, too.

So hugs to you. Your sister would be proud that you pushed through the grief to make a happy life for yourself and your family. She will be your guardian angel for your pickup trip to make sure things go smoothly. And look out for a penny or two from my sister!

Marjorie

PS Make sure you have all your documents before you leave Guate -- birth certificate, protocolo, translations, etc. Don't let what happened to me happen to you.