[pgalupo]

Ever since getting pink I have been so excited for this trip, running around getting everything ready, relieved that the day is almost here that Maya will be forever in my arms. . .and today it has finally hit me hard that my sister, Pilar, will not be here (physically) to hold the baby, to see her and be a part of her life. Mind you, I do absolutely feel my sister's presence. I also know that the way she lived her life combined with her presence now will always serve as a guiding force for us -- but I am still so sad. Her husband is going with me on the pick-up trip -- he said to me the other day that he is so sad because it should be my sister going with me.

Maybe it's fitting that I'm feeling some of this grief right now. . .this whole adoption journey for me has been about balancing the these two defining events in my life this year (my sister's passing and Maya's entrance into our family). Anyway, I just wanted to articulate some of what I'm feeling -- most people in my life are expecting that all I am feeling right now is extreme excitement, and it feels so much more complex than that (I'm even feeling a little nostalgic about the fact that my 13 year old and I have always been such a pair as I single parented much of her life -- we share an incredible bond.) I guess that transitions like this are good for reflecting. Maybe I'm realizing that after tomorrow I will be much too busy to reflect like this!

So thanks, again, to everyone who has supported me throughout this process. This forum has been amazing place to come to.

I will check in while in Guatemala and I hope to have pictures Monday to post. Thanks for listening.

-Paz