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Shoshana,
To be absolutly honest with you...I really don't know why it is so hard for me to except that adoption involves loss. I understand that my children are going to want to know the truth about their bmom and their adoption. I do worry and think about how hard the truth MAY be for them. They they were taken away because their bmom exposed them to drugs and that her addiction was too strong to parent them. It hurts to think that my kids bmom fought for a short time for my son and then completely walked away from my daughter by leaving her in the hospital and taking off. I worry about how they are going to feel when they are old enough for to hear these facts.
I have a life book that my SW made. There are pictures of their bmom. There is a bio written by the bmom. We have her medical history. We have my kids grown half siblings names and birthdates. I would LOVE to exchange letters and picutures with their bmom in order to give my children an idea of who they look like or where they come from. I'm in the process of making little life books for my kids to touch and read as often as they like. (My kids are babies now.)
I know there will be questions and I hope to be able to try and help in any way that I can. But I will never know how it feels to be adopted. Just how I will never know how it feels to be black. But I can put myself in their shoes and imagine.
Let me just share one little story. When I was 15 I found out that I had a chronic disease. Cronic meaning there is no cure. I went on to need dialysis three times a week for FIVE years! Those of you who don't know what dialysis means, I would get two huge needles in my arm and have the blood in my body taken out, cleansed and put back in. It was torture. I did not know anyone who was sick like me. Most people on dialysis are old. I felt different from all the healthy kids around me. I saw how young people were taking everything for granted. I have been hospitalized more times than you could imagine. I have had several surgeries and one Major kidney transplant. I have even had a few close calls where I could have died. My mom kept telling me to be strong and that I could do it. Sometimes I hated people for being healthy and not appreciating it. I would cry and tell my mom, family, boyfriend that they would never understand. And I know they could never truly understand but they could empathize.
I ended up seeking out other who were like me. -Young and sick on dialysis. And I found two people who could understand me and identify with me.
I guess the moral of the story is that we are never going to be able to totally understand everything our children go through. But I feel that if you seek out ways that your children can learn about culture and find ways to help them identify with people from their race, then that is doing a great job.
Transracial families can be successful and I would tell anyone that was looking into doing it that if you understand the importance of culture and race identiy than go for it!
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