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Hi Will be a mommy,
DH has been completely honest with me from day one, he wanted to be a dad. When we first met, I told him if I were to become a parent, I wanted to adopt. There were reasons I didn't want to have a bio child which could take forever for me to go through. :-)
However, we met when we were very young, I was 18 and he was 19. He became ill in 97, when he was 21. He had Leukemia. Before his diagnosis, I became pregnant and didn't find out until I was about 4 months....He was beside himself with concern. He did not want me to continue with this pregnancy. He felt an abortion would be the best thing, he feared that he was going to die and I'd be a single mother.
I saw things differently. I thought it would give him reason to fight harder. And I thought that if God forbid, he did pass away, I would have a part of him with me forever.
I ended up miscarrying only a couple weeks after I found out. I was surprisingly devastated. I had not ever wanted kids until I lost this pregnancy. Even at first, I still didn't want any, it wasn't until 2001 that I started to think maybe I did want to start trying.
Anyway, DH has regretted since the day I miscarried that he wanted me to get an abortion. I knew in my heart that he would come around, and that he was just afraid for me and this child that we'd be suffering on so many levels if we lost him.
I think you have to go with your gut. If you know in your gut that your bf is not going to come around, he's not going to.
With that said, regardless of what your gut says, I agree with the previous posters that you should get into joint counseling and figure this out. DH and I have the most loving relationship I have ever known, more so than I ever thought possible, and our marriage became stressed at times through this process. It is true, that adoption can affect marriages/relationships and it is important to be on the same page, if for no other reason than to not have that concern hanging over your head along with all the other fears and uncertainties that are sure to come with adoption anyway.
Good luck. I hope that you guys can figure this out and do this together.
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